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SmalltownHighFive
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Name: Jeremy
Country: United States
State: Pennsylvania
Metro: Selinsgrove
Birthday: 11/16/1985
Gender: Male
Interests: Hanging out and having fun with all the awesome friends I have. Lets not forget music, movies, and sports though.
Expertise: I am a master of any and all things that I may or may not claim to be or be doing
Occupation: Student
Industry: Education/Research
Email: email me
Website: visit my website
AIM:  jcr2114
Member Since:
2/22/2005
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| Xanga, you know how I feel. When we first began this crazy journey we were not alone. There were many, just like, who would walk with me, who were there in a moments notice. Unfortunately, in much the same way a river may join other tributaries and flow as one for a while, at some point, they will split up again to follow their own destinations.
I feel this has been my life this semester xanga. I was once part of a whole, but my time has come to split off the main branch of the river and forge my own path. No matter how inevitable, I can't help but feel like my path was altered before it was really supposed to be. I can't help feeling, even as crazy as this sounds, like I am the only one still in fact on the same path. I feel like I have been left, not that I willingly began my own search for my destination. I can't help but feel a little exiled. I know, or at least hope that this state of being exiled was brought on by the conjoining forces of my own destination and its interference with others'.
And on to the destination. I still believe, in fact love, the overall destination of my life, but there are certain twists in the river that I really don't understand how I am going to survive. This lack of understanding has provided considerable distress to me over the last couple of months. So much so that I am out of my own resources. I throw myself on the mercy of life's journey. It shall be my judge.
Though a great amount of distress exists in my life, there are still the good parts. I have friends and people that I have met along the way that will forever have changed me as a person in many positive ways. I have spent some considerable years developing as an individual in society and feel myself to be a better person than what I began as, perhaps even better than I should be at this stage.
For these reasons, believing myself to be an alright human being, I cannot understand what qualities about me that another human being would just blatantly dislike for no founded reason. At my current state, as a college honor student, I can't understand how anyone would consider me immature. At my current state, as a twenty-two year old adult, I can't imagine why someone would treat me, and see me as a ten year old kid. It saddens be to know, that someone believes this. What do I say to this person? How do I try to show them their error? I just don't know, and that has been the cause of much of my distress. This situation and how it impacts my life's destination.
I wanna cry, I wanna drink, but neither will fix this situation. I try to think, but my mind betrays me. It is at times at an odds end with my soul and inside me I feel the battle rage. To ignore the situation altogether would be to walk through life willingly deaf, dumb, and blind. I cannot willingly do this.
And so xanga now the time has come. This is the end of our relationship. It has been a good four years, and you have been my release valve for all of them. I can only hope the sins of my past are as willing to be put to rest as ourselves. I somehow doubt it though. To leave you xanga, I will not suggest a joke or story. There will be no moral or ideation. Xanga, this is my last post ever my friend, thanks for the memories and may God be kind to you in all of your future endeavors, hopefully he'll see fit to aid me in mine as well.
Through early morning fog I see visions of the things to be
The pains that are withheld for me I realize and I can see . . .
The only way to win is cheat and lay it down before I’m beat,
and to another give my seat for that’s the only painless
feat......
The sword of time will pierce our skins it doesn’t hurt when it begins
But as it works its way on in the pain grows stronger . . . watch it grin
A brave man once requested me to answer questions that are key
'Is it to be or not to be' and I replied 'oh why ask me?'
GOODBYE (good enough for MASH, good enough for xanga)
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| Despite my best efforts I have been unable to forget about this thing called xanga. As such, I feel I am almost compelled to write a new entry.
Freedom, is something that I have come to yern for in the last couple of months. It is not a freedom as one would first think of. I do not wish to be free of all of my prior commitments, rather, I wish to have the flexibility that is implied with such a sense as freedom. Life is not hell, as I would have those who have previously read passages from me believing. Rather it is what you make it. For instance, if you choose to continue to constantly remind yourself of decisions of poor judgement in your past, such as being suspended or a relationship that was unfulfilling, you will surely consume yourself in the eternal fire of the damnation that comes with said reminiscing (I know that's spelled wrong, but who cares). One must move on, forget such uniluminating events, and rather be happy to consider oneself in the present.
I also recently wrote an essay on the world by freshman year. This was stupid of me, and I apologize for my actions. Do any of us even remember who we were back then, let alone who we thought we might become? No. I say to hell with events that have since past. I say damn the misfortunes of our experience. We need not concern ourselves with such trivial matters. We need only worry about the here and now. Being a title of my xanga, the "Here and Now" should not have taken me this long to discover. However, being blinded by the past can often have this effect on a person.
The here and now is not perfect. and in years to come ,I should imagine, that it will not be as good as currently percieved. Furthermore, the ideas being conducted at this instance are that of swayed and basised judgement and should most promptly be overturned. But for those who see as I, and have come to know as I, you will surely know, that the here and now is eternal. It is the time at which we are forever living in. Make it what you can, but make the most of it. If you are with the one you love, hold every second as if it were your last. If you are without, allow your mind to dream about being with, and living with. In that moment, that moment of joy, that is where the here and now resides. That moment is where true happienes abides.
King Roush- Dec. 2007
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| Life is hell, and the real world....whatever the hell that may be for you, isn't easy. People always say about how things are a lot different in the "real" world. What the hell do they mean. Are they trying to tell me that this land of college and the rest of the events that take place in my life aren't a part of the "real" world. Fuck that! This is about as real as it gets. Life isn't easy, but every once in a while, every once in a great while, the planets align and something works out in this fucked up little reality of ours. I'm so sick of hearing people tell me that the "real" world ins't easy.
Ok, now that's that out of the fucking way... onto something else about something.
So this semester, as I'm sure you're all......wait, nope. You don't have a clue. I don't write anything hear anymore. Therefore, just for you.....some back story. I've been taking six classes this semester....living hell, but I'm getting by....all except financially speaking that is. I'm broke....that might be what prompted my earlier rant, but eh, iunno. Anyway....I've already lost any ambition to write further. I'm out
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| "The World according to Freshmen Year"
It was only three years ago, but it feels like a century has pasted since I first walked to streets of Millersville University. Along the way, many people and things have changed. Some of us have willingly grown up as time passed. Some of us have been more resistent to it. And then some of us will forever be able to retain some shining sliver of that magical childish innocence we all used to hold within ourselves. I looked at a picture of us from freshmen year the other day. It's amazing how much we've changed in three years.
(it's going to start to get personal here, so, if you may become upset over any events that occurred during freshmen year, I urge you to stop reading now)
In the picture I have, Tom didn't have facial hair.....and was clean shaven. Miles was a little pudgy looking and had his buzzed hair encased in glasses and his arms wrapped solidly around Heather who, even at that point prolly could have still kicked my ass. Alisha and I were sitting next to each other and looked to be co-existing....something that tends to happen a little less the older we get. Speaking of Creep, funny note, the first time I tried to visit her in Hull(Hell) Hall, I thought her name was spelled Elisha.....so technically, I wasn't that far off. Anyhow, next I will just mention a few quick names her.....LizAnne....Kelinah....Jen.....Lauren ( the at that time "love of my life" who eventually just completely burnt me out. I couldn't take the hearing from her and then not hearing from her for weeks on end....long before it was over I knew it was ending....those were tough months.) Next is Mark.....the harsh realization that Chem and Physics are the truest and biggest pain in the ass ever has since this photo was taken made the library his personal favorite hangout. Though every once in a while we tend to agitate each other, you couldn't ask for a better roommate. I don't know where Charles was....he isn't in the picture. Dosen't matter though, still gonna bring him up. Charles, in my mind at least, has remained the most static out of all of us "characters" as one would put it. That's not a bad thing though.....after all.....if you're already perfect, and the world does revolve around you....then why would you need to change.....though Im told he is now a God.....and HUGE IN CHINA!
That's it for the picture......boy I thought I had the world figured out back then. Thought I knew it all......
Well Mister Stewart you're right......" I wish that I knew what I know now.....when I was younger."
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| Hey there xanga.....that you?
Anyway, Ive not been being the best of student that Ican be......em sorry
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